ME? OLD?

I have been waiting such a long time to feel like an adult. Recently I was shocked to realize not only am I an adult, I am a middle aged adult! What?!?! how could this happen? But sure enough several things happened in the recent past to make me feel my age.
Don't get me wrong! I know I'm not THAT old! but I know I'm not all that young either.
An example of the world telling me that I am not as young as I thought was:
Some months ago T And I Were at a theme park. I was wearing one of my rock group shirts. this one is black (okay I think they are all black) and it reads "I Am Demon Hunter".
(I love that band) I was feeling good about myself. I was even thinking I was kinda cute. After all that morning a guy stopped me and talked to me because I was wearing that shirt. ( He likes the band also). So T and I were getting off of a roller coaster for the second or third time and the lady helping people out and making sure we all left the correct way said "oh do you have teenagers?" I couldn't for the life of me think what she meant and said "no." (heck! I am barely finished being a teenager myself lady!! How could I have a teenager?) she indicated my shirt and asked if I had borrowed from my teenager. I smiled (instead of hitting her silly) and said " no this is mine."
On top of that obviously nearly blind woman, mistaking me for someone old enough to have a teenager, (OK, my best friend is the same age as I am and her son is 18... but I'm not old enough!) I have had to rethink my concert habits and wonder if I can handle standing, jumping and head banging for four or five hours. (My back didn't used to ache like crazy after a few hours of rockin out)
So here I am, I guess I must be an adult since I am now, apparently old.
I do not plan to act my age until at least 75 or 80 when it will be ok to act like a kid again. So there roller coaster lady!

Love Love Love

Well I am amazed at how God is working in my life, not just everyday, but every moment. He is teaching me about love, and all that goes with it. I have never been in a relationship. I know very little about romantic love. But it's not romantic love I'm talking about. I know how to love a friend. but I don't know how to make a friend. I don't do well expecting or accepting love from others because I have not been very good at loving myself.

Over the past many months, The Lord has been telling me how much He loves me. I have been convicted that it is sinful to not love myself. After all God created me. It's quite an insult to say I'm not good enough. So I have allowed myself to let go of self-hate and love myself for the beautiful creation of God that I am. As I have done this, I am trying now to accept love and friendship from people around me. What a blessing!

I have always had a few very close friends and many acquaintances. but now my closest friend lives so very far away. I still have my precious bestest friend (I am doubly blessed that she is my sister) God has showed me that He has more in mind for me than the lonely existence I have been living. He has opened my eyes to the people around me. I've been missing out on all these beautiful souls around me.

I was so caught up in myself. A person told me recently she thought I was wrapped up in my own world. I was. I was always longing for someone to crack open my shell and discover me. It never occurred to me that I wasn't allowing anyone to come near me.

I never had a hard time giving love to others. I have always had a hard time receiving it.

Well anyway, as old as I am, I think I finally have it. I have always prayed that God's love would flow out of me to people around me. Now I want His Love and mine to flow out of me.

I feel like this is so discombobulated. It's so hard to explain. I am so happy. But more than happy, I truly feel God's Joy. I feel His Love more so than I ever have. I am in love with the people that I hope to soon call my friends. I am in love with the new life in front of me. I am in love with life. Mostly I am deeply in love with Jesus Christ.

Perfect Peace

Our Lord is so Awesome! He is so full of mercy and love and grace. Trusting Him is joy, He gives perfect peace.
I recently learned that God really wants me to trust Him. I thought I was but I was only half giving my problems to Him. I would pray for His help, then run around and try to find the solution myself.
going to The Amazon taught me that God will take care of me, and if I just depend on Him, He will meet my every need and many of my desires.
After I got home, our power was shut off. They told us how much money it would cost to turn it back on and it was more than we could figure out how to get. We prayed and waited. I didn't try to solve the problem myself. Some people gave me some phone numbers for agency that help pay bills. My sister called them but to no avail. I didn't panic, I just waited. I am not saying that I wasn't upset. I was definitely upset but I tried for the most part to be positive. We were able to spend the extra time at my parents and the house never really got too hot for sleeping.
In Sunday School, I mentioned our power problem. The lesson this week was amazing, I felt like it was given straight to me. After church the people from my class gave me almost all the money I needed to get the power back.
I was so touched! I was amazed and I never imagined that God would take care of the problem in that way. He showed me not only his love for me but also how wonderful the people around me are.