Journaling out my feelings
I'm finished being depressed! I am so tired of this self-loathing. I was walking to my car last night and it was like a mantra in my head, "I hate myself, I hate myself." I am not going to take this anymore! I really hate feeling this way!
I am going to a festival this weekend (alone of course). There will be several concerts, and a speaker. I am going to pray pray pray that I can get past this, so God can use me the way He wants. The father of lies has me exactly where he wants me. What good am I to God when I can barely breathe? Well NO MORE! I am not taking this anymore! Today it changes!
Please pray for me. I need protection. I am so vulnerable to the self loathing stuff. Loneliness ends up leading me to self-pity, which ends with hating myself. I feel inadequate for everything. I need prayer that I will be content by myself and with myself. I need protection from the f.o.l.
I am through with these sad sad stupid pity parties. I don't know why I'm alone. God has a purpose for it. I am not simply talking about romantic love. Everyone jumps right to that. I am talking about friends, and companions as well. I guess I have to get to a place where I am ok being alone all the time. Funny for the most part, I always have been ok with being alone. I enjoy it. For instance today, when I go to the concerts, I won't have to worry about whether or not the people I am with want to wait by the stage to get a front row spot. I'll be the only one with me. I have always enjoyed activities one does alone, such as reading, web-surfing and listening to music. I think it's just getting to a point where everything I want to do, I am having to do alone. I am not really given much choice. It's either go alone or don't go. I guess I just need to be OK with that.
I think I'll be alright. I am not going to wallow in this self-pity, I am not drowning in depression. I am getting out of this mode and moving on with my walk. I am a follower of Christ! I am a daughter of the King of Kings! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Please pray for me. I can't do it alone. I need prayer. I need fellowship. I need to accept what God has given me and accept his blessings instead of seeing what's wrong with my life.
I am going to a festival this weekend (alone of course). There will be several concerts, and a speaker. I am going to pray pray pray that I can get past this, so God can use me the way He wants. The father of lies has me exactly where he wants me. What good am I to God when I can barely breathe? Well NO MORE! I am not taking this anymore! Today it changes!
Please pray for me. I need protection. I am so vulnerable to the self loathing stuff. Loneliness ends up leading me to self-pity, which ends with hating myself. I feel inadequate for everything. I need prayer that I will be content by myself and with myself. I need protection from the f.o.l.
I am through with these sad sad stupid pity parties. I don't know why I'm alone. God has a purpose for it. I am not simply talking about romantic love. Everyone jumps right to that. I am talking about friends, and companions as well. I guess I have to get to a place where I am ok being alone all the time. Funny for the most part, I always have been ok with being alone. I enjoy it. For instance today, when I go to the concerts, I won't have to worry about whether or not the people I am with want to wait by the stage to get a front row spot. I'll be the only one with me. I have always enjoyed activities one does alone, such as reading, web-surfing and listening to music. I think it's just getting to a point where everything I want to do, I am having to do alone. I am not really given much choice. It's either go alone or don't go. I guess I just need to be OK with that.
I think I'll be alright. I am not going to wallow in this self-pity, I am not drowning in depression. I am getting out of this mode and moving on with my walk. I am a follower of Christ! I am a daughter of the King of Kings! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Please pray for me. I can't do it alone. I need prayer. I need fellowship. I need to accept what God has given me and accept his blessings instead of seeing what's wrong with my life.
posted by Donna at 4:58 AM
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