ME? OLD?

I have been waiting such a long time to feel like an adult. Recently I was shocked to realize not only am I an adult, I am a middle aged adult! What?!?! how could this happen? But sure enough several things happened in the recent past to make me feel my age.
Don't get me wrong! I know I'm not THAT old! but I know I'm not all that young either.
An example of the world telling me that I am not as young as I thought was:
Some months ago T And I Were at a theme park. I was wearing one of my rock group shirts. this one is black (okay I think they are all black) and it reads "I Am Demon Hunter".
(I love that band) I was feeling good about myself. I was even thinking I was kinda cute. After all that morning a guy stopped me and talked to me because I was wearing that shirt. ( He likes the band also). So T and I were getting off of a roller coaster for the second or third time and the lady helping people out and making sure we all left the correct way said "oh do you have teenagers?" I couldn't for the life of me think what she meant and said "no." (heck! I am barely finished being a teenager myself lady!! How could I have a teenager?) she indicated my shirt and asked if I had borrowed from my teenager. I smiled (instead of hitting her silly) and said " no this is mine."
On top of that obviously nearly blind woman, mistaking me for someone old enough to have a teenager, (OK, my best friend is the same age as I am and her son is 18... but I'm not old enough!) I have had to rethink my concert habits and wonder if I can handle standing, jumping and head banging for four or five hours. (My back didn't used to ache like crazy after a few hours of rockin out)
So here I am, I guess I must be an adult since I am now, apparently old.
I do not plan to act my age until at least 75 or 80 when it will be ok to act like a kid again. So there roller coaster lady!

Love Love Love

Well I am amazed at how God is working in my life, not just everyday, but every moment. He is teaching me about love, and all that goes with it. I have never been in a relationship. I know very little about romantic love. But it's not romantic love I'm talking about. I know how to love a friend. but I don't know how to make a friend. I don't do well expecting or accepting love from others because I have not been very good at loving myself.

Over the past many months, The Lord has been telling me how much He loves me. I have been convicted that it is sinful to not love myself. After all God created me. It's quite an insult to say I'm not good enough. So I have allowed myself to let go of self-hate and love myself for the beautiful creation of God that I am. As I have done this, I am trying now to accept love and friendship from people around me. What a blessing!

I have always had a few very close friends and many acquaintances. but now my closest friend lives so very far away. I still have my precious bestest friend (I am doubly blessed that she is my sister) God has showed me that He has more in mind for me than the lonely existence I have been living. He has opened my eyes to the people around me. I've been missing out on all these beautiful souls around me.

I was so caught up in myself. A person told me recently she thought I was wrapped up in my own world. I was. I was always longing for someone to crack open my shell and discover me. It never occurred to me that I wasn't allowing anyone to come near me.

I never had a hard time giving love to others. I have always had a hard time receiving it.

Well anyway, as old as I am, I think I finally have it. I have always prayed that God's love would flow out of me to people around me. Now I want His Love and mine to flow out of me.

I feel like this is so discombobulated. It's so hard to explain. I am so happy. But more than happy, I truly feel God's Joy. I feel His Love more so than I ever have. I am in love with the people that I hope to soon call my friends. I am in love with the new life in front of me. I am in love with life. Mostly I am deeply in love with Jesus Christ.

Perfect Peace

Our Lord is so Awesome! He is so full of mercy and love and grace. Trusting Him is joy, He gives perfect peace.
I recently learned that God really wants me to trust Him. I thought I was but I was only half giving my problems to Him. I would pray for His help, then run around and try to find the solution myself.
going to The Amazon taught me that God will take care of me, and if I just depend on Him, He will meet my every need and many of my desires.
After I got home, our power was shut off. They told us how much money it would cost to turn it back on and it was more than we could figure out how to get. We prayed and waited. I didn't try to solve the problem myself. Some people gave me some phone numbers for agency that help pay bills. My sister called them but to no avail. I didn't panic, I just waited. I am not saying that I wasn't upset. I was definitely upset but I tried for the most part to be positive. We were able to spend the extra time at my parents and the house never really got too hot for sleeping.
In Sunday School, I mentioned our power problem. The lesson this week was amazing, I felt like it was given straight to me. After church the people from my class gave me almost all the money I needed to get the power back.
I was so touched! I was amazed and I never imagined that God would take care of the problem in that way. He showed me not only his love for me but also how wonderful the people around me are.

The Amazing Amazon!

Wow! I'm home from The Amazon. It was a really amazing time. I learned a lot from God and had some wonderful experiences. There is so much to tell, I am going to do my best and go in chronological order. I may mix some things up, but most of you won't know whether I did or not.

Twenty six of us arrived to Manaues very early in the morning. We were all very tired from a full day of traveling but excited none the less. We were about 250 miles south of the equator. It was very very hot and very very humid. We traveled on the boat for a couple of days before reaching the Satare Maues territory. We lived on the boat for the entire 12 days of the trip. We slept in hammocks and shared the four showers and six bathrooms. With so many of us plus about another twenty of the AMOR crew, one would think it would be awful to live like that but it wasn't. Each person there was a beautiful loving soul. Everyone was kind and considerate throughout the journey.

We made it to the first village, Esperanca. I was sad to learned the T'shau (chief) had had a stroke but he didn't look too badly for that. The climb uphill to get into that village is monstrous! I climbed that beast as many times as I had to and obviously survived.

The indians live in such poverty it is almost impossible to describe. These people have very little. They are also a very beautiful people in my opinion.

I was on the medical team. Our team saw as many people as came to us for treatment of various complaints. We had one interpreter who translated from English to Portuguese, and another who translated from Portuguese to Satare. Communication was difficult with words but everyone understood the smiles, touches, hugs and games.

We went to Five villages in all ( I think I' might be forgetting one) Esperanca, Nazare, Boa Nova, Villa Nova, and Santa Maria. We worked very hard, but we also had a lot of fun. The children would get so excited to see us. The would follow us around and want to get close to us. They would pat our pockets down for Bom Bom (candy). We taught them little games and how to "gimmee five" and gave them little trinkets to show in some way how much we loved them and that that love is from a good and gracious God.

They are a polytheistic people. the gods they worship expect pain and sacrifice. A loving forgiving, merciful God is a completely foreign concept to them. We show them The One True God through our actions to them in the medical and dental clinics, Construction teams and vacation bible school teams In the evening they hear the word of God through a worship service.

The process is a slow one but they are learning about our God. We actually saw a few people make decisions for Christ! It was wonderful! there is a Satare Pastor there. Pastor Moises could use your prayers as he has a small but growing and eager flock to tend. He travels from village to village as well as takes care of his own family and preaches and teaches the Christians in each village.

I did a couple of things I've never done before as well. I pet an alligator! He or she was about a year old and two feet long. A couple of the crew guys went out and caught them so that we could hold them and see them before they let them go. I tried to hold one but just couldn't bring myself to do it. ( I can't even hold a hamster) But I did pet it several times. I held a sloth! Well two different sloths and different times. They are really cool little animals.

I did so many different things and had such a wonderful time. I cannot tell you how great it is to be back home in the States and how nice it is to have a hot shower and warm bed again.

Finally!

Well! It's Here! I am finally leaving for my Missions trip to The Amazon! I am leaving in the morning at 10:00. (June 14th, cause you might read this at some other time and think "wow she STILL hasn't left!")

I am so excited. (As anyone that talks to me at anytime knows.) I am really thankful to everyone that has been praying and I hope you will ocntinue to do so. Check back in with me about the 28th and see a nice long blog about the trip.

Ate logo!

The Amazon and lessons learned

The time for my trip is getting so close! I am really excited. I am boring everyone around me with it. Amazon, Amazon, Amazon! I have packed already and still have about 3 weeks before we leave. I will probably unpack and repack a couple of times again before we leave. I am still over $600 short of the money I need. God will provide it. I have no question about that. He will provide it exactly when He knows it's the right time.
He is still working on me learning to accept help from others and depend on others. I am much to resistant to letting people reach out to me. I'm used to having to feel guilty about needing help, or feeling bad because I had to have some help. Growing up I had so many kids making fun of me for everything. When I had a little help with something, say riding the bus in junior high because I had a bad knee, the extra attention it caused me, was humiliating. I think that's the core of my resistance to help. It makes me feel like I'm not as good as I should be. I feel humiliated whenever I need even the smallest amount of help.
Well anyway, God has showed me, that we are all dependent on others for some things. He has showed me we are all dependent on Him for EVERYthing. It's taking time but I am learning the lesson. I am trying to allow others to step in and lift me up a little.
As for the money, I truly thought I could get it all myself without problem. I knew I could. But, God worked it so I HAD to let others donate the money. He also made it so that none of my fund raising efforts worked. It had to be His way not mine. So I know that the rest of the money will come when it should.
Please pray for me, and the trip, as well as all the people on the trip, and those we will be helping.
Thanks.

We are finally moved!

Well Lani and I are finally pretty much settled into our new apartment. We both really like it. The drive is not so great for Lani. It's a long way on high traffic roads. That is the only drawback I can think of right now. I am less than two miles form my job door to door.
I love the set up of the apartment. I think we moved in at exactly the right time. They were remodeling all the apartments and so we have brand new appliances.
The big thing is, I can't wait to have guests. Living at the house, I dreaded people dropping by. I apologized continuously for the house. But with the apartment (aka FC Manor) I really want people to stop by. I can't wait to entertain.
So if you know me, and you live near, well ya'll come on over! Ya hear?

DDNA conference

I just returned from the 14th annual DDNA conference in Daytona Beach. I was very blessed to be able to attend. If you don't know what the DDNA is it is the developmental Disabilities Nurses Association.
Each year they get together and learn and network. This was my first year attending and I hope it won't be my last. I learned so much! I can't wait to see how to use what I've learned to benefit the clients for whom I work.
I'm so excited to have gone.
I love my job. I love being a DD nurse. I think if more people opened themselves up to the experience of knowing people with developmental disabilities, there would be an abundance of people wanting to work with, befriend and help those people.
Often I'm told it takes someone very special to do my job. I honestly don't think so. I think it takes someone blessed to discover my job and have that job. It is wonderful to go to a place everyday where I spend the day with great people that I love, both the ones that work beside me and the ones I work for.